I’m just realizing it’s been a while since I wrote an insightful post. Which tells you I’ve probably been trying to avoid addressing what’s on my mind.
This post draws on something Steph from Twenty-Something Travel (now officially on her RTW trip, which is awesome) and Brooke from Brooke vs. the World wrote about a while back: traveling and living abroad, in and of themselves, will not make you happy.
I blogged a few months ago after my friends from the States left that I felt like I had done a complete 180 in some senses. I thought at the time that I was just a little stressed and that my mood would return to what it had been like when I’d gotten here. But months later, it still hasn’t, which is prompting me to explore options to figure out why that is the case. I remember thinking to myself when I moved here, If this doesn’t make you happy, you’re pretty screwed. And while I knew simply moving my life over to another country wouldn’t solve my problems, because along with all your regular clothes, you also pack your regular moods and ways of thinking and doubts and insecurities, I was hoping that it would be a little easier to be my best self.
The other side of this coin, though, is that maybe I am finally changing and realizing things about my self I’d been denying, and that can make a person stressed and feel strange. Real movement can be gut-wrenching, soul-stomping and heartbreaking. It is never easy. In her post, Steph from Twenty-Something said that while overseas travel might exacerbate your issues, it can also sometimes give you the tools to work on those things. Some of those tools may include finally being away from people who enabled some behavior or way of thinking and meeting ones that won’t put up with it. It can also be knowing you no longer have excuses or things to blame if life is not going as you want it to. It’s all on you, kid.
I’ve admitted some things to myself and to people I’m close to here that I never thought I’d say–things about the way I am, the way I think, what I need from life and people. If anything, I’m happy it’s all on the table, and if this journey was meant to help me be more honest with myself, even if it is scary and stress-inducing, then it’s good. And if it helps me realize more than ever what it does take to make me happy and keep myself in check, then I’m thankful.