My baby boy turned one on Saturday.
Just like that, a year has passed. Finn is no longer an infant. He’s now a toddler. He’s sorta walking and babbling, and understands words like “clap.” He tries to feed me his food. He snuggles and coos when he’s feeling especially lovey and throws his empty bottle when he’s feeling especially naughty.
His party was simple: decorations from the dollar store, easy apps and a few family members plus one dear friend who was there minutes after he was born.
There was pizza. Finn really likes pizza.
And cake. It took a couple minutes, but Finn really likes cake, too.
Everyone said this year would go fast. I don’t know if I’d really describe it that way. There were times in the early days where it felt like the world had stopped. It was just me and my baby boy. Nothing else mattered, nothing else went on.
I was always told it would take a full year to feel like “me” again, and that part I think is true. It took 10 months to lose the baby weight and to feel like I had my old mental sharpness back. I have an energy I never knew I could tap into to get things done, mentally and physically. I don’t know how the hell I spent my time before I had a kid. From roughly 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. everyday, it’s a juggling act. But we make it work.
People have children every second of every day, and we’ve reared them since the dawn of time. Yet, this very normal, commonplace thing completely alters your existence and your relationships. It’s much more so the case now as people have children at 35 instead of 15 and your life expectancy is triple what it was back then.
I can imagine life without my son, and I’m happy I had time before I became a mom. It is a vulnerable, wonderful, maddening, heart-wrenching, frustrating exercise. I am proud of my son. He’s not different than any other kid except that he’s mine, and I love him everyday and draw upon parts of myself I never knew existed to try to be a good, functioning mom. He’s sweet and sensitive yet can be completely surly. I hope he keeps that duality, that desire and ability to be fragile and need others and the ability to go after what he wants.
Happy Birthday, dear Finn Michael. Thank you for being you and being in our world.